I'd be lying if I said this wasn't, well, personal in some way, and that I'm not being defensive at all. But the truth is, the way we view our progress in our personal lives is very much affected by what we see others around us doing. Unless we are completely passionate or completely apathetic about something, we tend to grade ourselves on a curve.
Facebook has made us all too aware of that curve, however small a sample group that happens to be. Every time we log on we get a veritable progress report of other people's lives, which in turn informs our own sense of progress. I'm not saying this is a good thing. But I also don't think it's an entirely new phenomenon.
However, I do think there's this illusion today that all 20-somethings don't want to settle down. As if it is some confirmed choice they are making. I suppose, for some people, that may be true. But for the majority of us, we generally don't have the luxury of happening upon a good life partner while we are struggling to find work, to keep work, and to basically feed ourselves and keep a roof over our heads. I have nothing against facing these struggles with someone I trust next to me. It's finding someone to trust that becomes the problem. When your day is filled with your job, job hunting, staying healthy, and staying sane as you stumble around (which, let's face it, is basically what your 20's are), unless you stumble right into the right person, your mostly stumbling around alone, hoping you can find your feet somewhere that makes you happy. Because when you do what makes you happy, and are happy yourself, it generally increases your chances of finding someone who also makes you happy.
So, no, I don't believe that there is some mythical "One" out there that people should just be waiting to stumble into like some trite romantic comedy. But I think there are two ingredients to a lasting partnership, and both need to be there for it to really work: 1) right person and 2) right time. People tend to forget about the latter. There are several reasons why the timing could be wrong. Maybe you aren't emotionally available, maybe you're moving, or maybe you're already too far away. True, there's a fine line between reasons and excuses. But even making illegitimate excuses itself is a sign that one or both of the needed ingredients are missing.
Meanwhile, we see friends, and colleagues, and that-person-we-really-don't-know-but-for-someone-reason-we're-facebook-friends getting engaged, married, buying homes and making babies at an alarming rate. And, suddenly, it seems as we are moving in slow motion, stuck in existential molasses and hyper aware of our mortality for the first time. As if there is something wrong with us for not keeping up with this curve, this interpersonal rat race for the partner, the family and the home. But the truth is people do things at their own pace, in their own time, and always have. The people that force themselves into things for the wrong reasons, because of their own doubts or insecurities, tend to eventually wake up one day living a life they never wanted.
Once we realize this, we also realize that grading our interpersonal relationships on a curve is flawed and ultimately dangerous to our own development. In the end, the only way to feel as if you aren't moving in slow motion is to keep moving yourself, without stopping to compare yourself to other people. Move toward something you want. Making moves towards something you think you should want is just another form of lying to yourself.
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